Last night, on March 8th, 2014 I had my first, known, irrefutable panic attack.
At first I wasn't sure what I was feeling, I figured it was just...nothing, or me feeling that way for an illegitimate reason. But after 2 hours of it getting increasingly stronger, I started to well, panic. Scared that I might actually be having a real panic attack.
My first, instinctive thought was, "get some Xanax or Klonopin from Nicole" since I didn't have any. I'd convinced myself, and the doctors that I never wanted to have to take medications. That I would much rather fix a problem naturally. But, when it came down to brass tax, turns out, I was fooling not only myself but the doctors, I did want meds. And I wanted them now.
I started texting Nicole.
We talked about how we both feel the need to snack while feeling this way, which, I never understood before but it made perfect sense to me last night that maybe if I ate pancakes or some kind of heavy food, it would "fill the void" and make my stomach feel better. It doesn't work. At all. She also told me to take deep breaths, focus on my breathing and try to calm down. She asked me if I knew what caused it, and if my husband was home. Which, that's the million dollar question it seems like; "what's causes it?" and I NEVER know. It's the most frustrating thing. I literally feel like the luckiest girl in the world, that my life is pretty damn near perfect. So why would I have anxiety? Or panic attacks??
Nicole didn't offer me meds.
And at first I didn't understand why that wouldn't be the first thing she said. But once it was all said and done, I knew why. It's because she's an amazing friend. She wants to help me fix it, to get through it and figure out what's causing it so that I don't have to go through it again. It was literally a prime example of one of those situations where you don't understand right away but you'll be thanking them later. So thank you Nicole, for being such a great friend.
I then called my husband, Riley. By then I was crying, feeling scared and hopeless. But, even though at work, he guided me through some breathing techniques and told me to listen to this particular track on his computer. When I opened it, I had no idea who I was about to hear, but once the audio started I knew exactly who it was; our lifelong pastor and the man who married us, Arbee. It was a recording of this one Sunday at church. It was a healing message and in the background of this seriously anointed message, was Jeff, playing guitar. Almost immediately after hitting play I started feeling calmer, more at peace.
While on the phone with Riley, I actually learned something about him. He sometimes has little panic attacks as well. (I know, you'd think I know this about my own husband!) but that just goes to show how well he handles them. I asked him what causes anxiety for him and how he gets through it. He told me that over all these years, anytime he's struggling with anxiety or just needs to feel motivated, he puts on this track of Arbee and Jeff and he just sort of, glides through it.
I never knew!
Then I called my mom.
It was almost like auto-pilot, she jumped to the rescue and started doing all of the things she knows would help me. Starting with praying. She helped me with some more breathing techniques, taught me some energy medicine, she even distracted me a little by talking about some of her projects :) by the end of my conversation with her, I went from a 9.5 to about a 2. It was amazing.
I'm learning that I can talk about it now, admit it, and that I'm not alone and I'm not a freak.
And that, after last night, I realize that natural remedies CAN and DO actually work.
Last night I learned that I dont NEED Xanax or Klonopin to deal, I came through to the other side of this naturally. And it felt marvelous.
I also learned, like really learned that we need to take a good hard look inside ourselves, and around us in our environments to really figure out what the root of the problem is. There is something that's causing this and we don't have to just suffer through this agony and fear. It can be fixed.
What are your stressors?
How can you remove either it from your life, or you from the situation?